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Disciplining
can be a difficult thing for parents and children alike. Children do need guidance to move them
towards being able to take care of themselves and not to harm others. If not handled effectively, however,
children are likely to learn the wrong lesson from discipline. Hitting a child, for example, might teach
them:
 That hating someone is appropriate because
they will hurt him or her.
Not to be close to others because that
person will hurt them.
It is all right for “big people” to hurt
“little people.”
Here
are some suggestions to help discipline a child effectively:
Understand that when you feel like
resorting to violence (i.e. hitting), it is a sign that you are feeling
helpless. Back off and cool off.
Remember that children do what makes them
feel good. Because children of
all ages have positive feelings about healthy relationships, recognize and
reward good behavior.
Remember that misbehavior is often a
reaction to past or present hurts.
Emotional wounds swell with anger and fear. Use this understanding to be compassionate
when disciplining your child.
Encourage children to express both
positive and negative feelings.
Helping children deal with angry feelings will result in more loving
feelings that you both can share.
Show that you understand and respect the
feelings behind misbehavior. How
a child feels is OK; what matters is what they do with those feelings. Say things like, “I understand how you
feel, but I cannot accept you hitting your sister.”
Set definite, reasonable limits that you
are ready to enforce. Children
must understand these expectations before you discipline them.
NEVER withdraw love as a discipline tool. Children must know you love them all the
time.
Discipline should show that actions have
consequences. Be sure to set up
consequences so that positive behavior is rewarded and negative behavior is
discouraged. Children must learn that
they are responsible for the consequences of their behavior.
Do not use shame, belittlement, or guilt
to punish a child. A positive
self-worth is the foundation that all positive behavior is built on.
Don’t be a perfectionist. Expect different behaviors as your child
moves through developmental stages.
Discipline is a process.
Unrealistic expectations can result in feelings of anger,
frustrations, or abuse.
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